Chapter Twenty-nine: Germany; Our Home Away From Home

Living overseas in a foreign country is quite different than just traveling there as a tourist. A tourist is just visiting and passes through in a short time. Our experience was different. We took our family and moved there. We had to find a rental house, a car to drive and pass a driving exam to get a foreign driver’s license. We also had to learn how to run a German washing machine and dryer. We had to locate a store to buy things; food, furniture, small appliances, shoes, etc. And we had to figure out where to go to get phone and internet services and other basic utilities hooked up or transferred into our names. And we had to accomplish all of this within a country that spoke a foreign language we did not know. Our one advantage was that since my husband was a contractor to the Department of Defense (DOD), we did have the option to shop on the local military bases.

We had begun learning a bit of German before we actually moved there. We knew a few small words like “nein” for no, “ja” for yes, “mais” for corn and “hallo” for hello. That was about it. Fortunately for us, the German people are patient, gracious and tend to know a little English. Our survival phrase those first few months was, “Sprechen Sie Englisch, Bitte?” (Do you speak English, please?)

And they would usually reply humbly with, “Yes, a little bit.” Well, I am here to say that hands down their “little bit” was more than quite a bit and usually enough to get us pointed in the right direction, standing in the correct line or even get our questions answered completely. We were impressed!

One of the largest differences between America and Germany is their land usage. Germany still has clear cut borders between farms, towns, and forests. There really are no suburbs or urban sprawl in Germany. Thus, Americans drive everywhere while Germans walk. Most Germans live in small towns and villages and they are able to walk almost everywhere within their own town. Germans do own cars, very well-engineered cars, and they use them. However, gasoline (petrol) is tremendously expensive and if they are going somewhere, they often walk or take public transportation.

In our town in Germany we could walk to several bakeries, the library, the bank, the electronics and small appliance shop, the grocery store, the park, the post office and the local ice-cream parlor. There were often limited parking options at these places so it just made sense to walk. It was wonderfully refreshing to use my legs for their God-given purpose on a daily basis. This is the norm in Germany. Now that we are back in the states, I have to get into a car and drive to get to any of the previously mentioned places. Just a week ago Saturday, I found myself in a car driving several miles each way to return a library book, buy one needed item at the grocery store and to return a rented video. I sat in my car at a stoplight while running these errands and looked around at cars full of people in every direction and parking lots full of cars and thought, this is just so wrong. Why can’t we build towns that require the use of our legs anymore?

Then yesterday, our family delivered a meal to some friends with a newborn daughter and four other young children in their family. These particular friends live on acreage in a small town here in our area. They built a house right next door to their parents on the same property. They are a wonderful, fun, young family and my kids like to drive out to their “farm” to visit on occasion. Well, on this particular visit, it just so happens that I managed to slip and twist my ankle on the front door mat and I needed some Ibuprofen for the pain and swelling. My friend was out of Ibuprofen so she called her Mom and her Mom brought me over some Motrin to take instead. But here’s the thing; her Mom actually jumped on a 4-wheeler and drove the Motrin bottle over to me 50 yards away (at most) and back! Now, that is purely, 100%-American. I am almost at a loss for words when it takes a 4-wheeler to deliver a bottle of Motrin next door. Don’t get me wrong, I was thankful she was willing to bring it, but whatever happened to walking? America has got to be the #1 laziest nation on the planet! No wonder we are overwhelming obese as a country. We just do not walk hardly anywhere, any more, unless you count perusing the aisles at Wal-Mart or jaunts to and from the store from the parking lot.

I feel fortunate to know that other people live differently in this respect. This knowledge can be frustrating at times in this drive-through-crazed nation, but somehow there is even some comfort in the outrage at our dependence and wastefulness of oil in connection with the automobile. Somehow I tend to see this absurdity now more clearly. These were the kinds of lessons learned by living in another place on another continent and not just by being a tourist there.

And just to be fair, there were things about America that we missed. We missed Charmin, our double kitchen sink, a washing machine with a 20-minute-washing cycle, having a freezer larger than a breadbox, being able to read the road signs, being able to stand upright at any point in our house including the upstairs without hitting our heads on the ceiling.

But there is great freedom in residing in someone else’s culture, for a time, and just being an observer. It was not our culture so we could simply observe and analyze but we did not have to necessarily partake. This was not our home country thus; we were not going to be here forever so we just did not get too worked up over the small stuff. These are fabulous lessons with terrific parallels for the Christian life. For we, as Christians, are truly living in another culture no matter our home country. We will not be here forever and thus this world is not our home so maybe we should not get too worked up over the small stuff.

Well, even though Germany was not our true home country or culture, we quickly grew fond of their daily pace of life and routine; church bells clanging every hour, everything closing by 6pm and the incredible peaceful and dead quiet of the nights. Thus, it became our home away from home. When we crossed borders into other countries, there was always this sense of relief when we re-entered Germany. It was familiar. We knew what to expect, where to find things, and how to read the road signs. In small and subtle ways, their norms became our norms and we were changed by the experience. I do not think we even realized this until we left and returned home to America, but Germany will forever hold a fondness in our hearts because of this familiarity. It will always be my home away from home this side of heaven.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Faith and Contentment

In all our preparations to move overseas and in the actual transition, I tried not to get overwhelmed or stressed out. I also tried not to fret and worry but I think (looking back now) that I failed at this continually. This was a huge leap into the unknown for our family. It was, at times, overwhelming and frustrating. And at other times it was just down-right scary to up and move our family to a foreign country to which I had never even been before. I had seen pictures and perused websites and I knew people living there but that is still all secondhand knowledge without any first person experience. Thus, at times, I worried. How would we communicate without knowing any German? How would we find a place to live without being able to communicate? How would my kids fair without any of their family or friends nearby? These were some of the overriding concerns along with more immediate ones like ‘How will my two and five year old children endure the all day and all night flight getting there?’ How will I keep them entertained and occupied in a hotel all day long? And will all our things in the shipping container actually arrive undamaged?

We were confident that the Lord knew our needs and concerns and we laid them before Him in prayer. But, I must confess, that I did not leave them there at His feet. I tried. But I think I failed and fretted and worried about some of these things that were so completely out of my control. I also tried keeping myself busy with endless task lists to keep my mind from worry. Sometimes it worked and probably sometimes it did not. There was much to keep busy with in those days. I would cross off one thing (like make a doctor’s appointment) only to add three more (like buy luggage, call the insurance agent, and donate unneeded items). But eventually, we did get on that plane and the “to do” list was tossed into the garbage and we were on our way to Germany at last! And then, a whole new “to do” list suddenly emerged that we never could have anticipated and the process was begun anew again on another continent. And, once again, I prayed and tried not to fret and probably failed repeatedly.

As we were settling into our new home and community across the ocean, we all missed our friends and family back home terribly. Our family had lived in the same city, in the same neighborhood, and in the same house for the previous nine years, so this was a BIG change for us all. And even though my husband had signed a two-year contract with his employer in Germany, we knew that when we eventually headed back to the states we would most likely head back to Boise, Idaho from which we had come. It was close to extended family and after nine years somewhere, you develop quite a few friends, and we had kept our two houses and rented them both. Thus, we kept in touch with family and friends back in and around Boise while living in Germany. I sent home email updates, set up a photo sharing website, and began a BLOG for those back in the states.

But again, I must confess, that looking back it feels like I spent much of my time and energy maintaining those relationships and even longing for those back home. And then, once we moved back (unexpectedly early—long before the two years were up) I think I spent much of the first six months missing those new friends back in Germany! Looking back it feels like a failed lesson in contentment on my part. Being a kid who grew up on Star Wars, I like to call it the Luke Skywalker lesson of attentiveness. I can hear Yoda’s voice chastising Luke by saying, “This one I have watched for a long time. And his mind is never on where he is and what he is doing!”

Now, I certainly don’t believe in an impersonal “Force” or that God speaks in a Yoda-voice. But, I have felt His correcting nudge in my life and heard similar words of rebuke in my head and heart. Sometimes I miss living in the moment because my attention is elsewhere. This is a mistake I have seen others make repeatedly and one I thought I might never be guilty of doing. How wrong I was!

I had a childhood friend who I met near the end of grade school who could not wait to get to Junior High. Once in Junior High, she was already wishing for High School and then in High School she was already longing for College. I lost touch with her between High School and College and when I ran into her again in College, once again, she was already focusing intently on the post-College plans of her life. I just never wanted to be like that; always wishing my life away. And yet, I certainly think I was guilty of that very thing during our time overseas. It wasn’t that I did not want to be there. Quite the contrary! I had hoped and prayed and planned for the day. But, when it came, I think I underestimated the complete cost of uprooting my family and moving them far away to another continent. It was a grand adventure but a slightly lonesome one too.

After further reflection, I realize that I was being pretty tough on myself when I first transcribed these words on paper. Part of my longing for friendships back in Idaho while residing in Germany, was partly just because I was in the process of making friends over there while those friends “back home” already knew us, understood us and no long explanation was required. And then when we returned to the states, the reverse happened. Suddenly when trying to share a funny or interesting experience of living overseas with a friend, there was so much context and culture to have to explain and still they often just did not get it. Or, when I started to share something, I would often see a friend’s eyes glaze over or that look in their eye telling me that they really were not interested in knowing. This was tough. But, my friends back in Germany would so understand and would so care to hear and know because they had been there and experienced it. So, once again, it was a lonely existence for a time. So, maybe just maybe it wasn’t ALL about discontent—I’m sure there was some of that. But, it was also about belonging and being understood, which as a friend so aptly said, “Is a great luxury that one does not always possess.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Living Lighter

Part of the joyful experience of moving overseas was taking only about two thirds of our belongings with us. I wish we could say we took less. It would have been much easier; especially in light of the fact that we only ended up staying about seven and a half months. In hind-sight we should have stored almost everything, packed our suitcases and left.

But evening leaving one third of our possessions behind was a wonderful experience. I don’t recall missing a single item in storage while there and by the time our storage items were re-delivered, almost a year later, I had forgotten most of what we had packed away to begin with. For a few precious months, there was less to pick up, clean up, keep up, fix up and pack up. It was liberating. Since we did not own our house in Germany we didn’t have a myriad of home improvement or fix-it projects hanging over our heads. And thus felt available to pack a suitcase or just a picnic lunch for a day trip and leave to go sightseeing or exploring for a weekend--guilt free!

We lived with only items from our suitcases for six weeks in a German hotel and for another six weeks back in Idaho both going and coming. You just don’t realize how many possessions including houses, cars, pets and yards clamor for your attention and suck away time and energy until you have lived without them for a time.

Now that we are back living on American soil in a large house and garage filled-to-the-brim with stuff, we are once again overwhelmed at trying to manage and clean and fix and organize it all. And so we keep boxing it up and getting rid of it via donations and it feels like we have barely made a dent. But we keep trying because we remember how invigorating it was to live lighter for one (school) year.

Chapter Twenty-Six: Internet Bargain Hotel

Before we moved back from Germany I wanted to take the kids on one last trip. We were already in Europe and I knew, as a family of six, that we would not make it back there anytime soon. So, we began looking around at nearby places to visit and ended up finding some pre-summer sale prices at Euro Disney. We were able to book several nights stay at Disney’s Davy Crocket Ranch but we couldn’t find another affordable hotel for the very last night that we wanted to be there. Since we were purchasing multiday, park-hopper passes, we thought we would just get there and surely something else would open up in the meantime.

After the movers came and packed up our household belongings, we drove over to Euro Disney just outside of Paris. We got all checked in and settled but by the time we did, Disney had no vacancies for any hotel for the last night we wanted to stay. Luckily we had brought my husband’s laptop computer with us but found the only internet access at Disneyland was at their Hotel New York. Thus, we located the hotel, went into the lobby, opened the laptop and began searching for a nearby affordable hotel outside of Paris for a family of six for one night. We actually found several but all of them would require us to rent 2 or 3 rooms to sleep us all. So, sight unseen, we made an online reservation for the cheapest one.

The next morning we packed up and checked out of the Davey Crockett Ranch and headed into Disneyland for the day. That evening we drove off to find our hotel for the night. Our trusty GPS finally got us there. We were the last to check in at about 9pm that night and the manager working the front desk had stayed open waiting for us. We parked our van in the gated, secure parking lot provided after unloading and checking into the rooms. We had to split into three rooms of two each for the night. So, my husband took a room with the six-year-old, I slept in a room with the two-year-old, and our other son (age 14) and daughter (age 11) shared a room with twin beds.

The hotel wasn’t fancy or nice; it was just a place to sleep for the night. The bathroom was tiled floor to ceiling since it doubled as the shower as well. We stayed on the bottom floor so even though it was a bit stuffy, I didn’t open the window, as the window was large enough and low enough for someone to walk through into the room. We sank deeply into our foam mattresses as we drifted off to sleep. I would compare this hotel to a Super 8 or a Motel 6 back here in the states but those, while simple but adequate, are usually at least clean. And the crowning moment came when I tried to key into my room for the first time and the door handle fell off into my hand. I stood there holding the door handle, thinking, “Well, that certainly makes me feel safe!” The door handle was to fall off into my hand again after saying goodnight to my other kids and trying to key back into my room. Every time it happened again, I would stand there with the door knob in my hand, shaking my head, thinking, “What a bargain hotel Cory discovered!”

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Shower Fiasco

Our next to last weekend in Germany, my Dad and oldest brother were able to swing through to stay with us a couple of nights and see our little town and area where we lived. They had been on a ten-day tour across London and France to see some of the major battlefields and monuments from WWI and WWII; my brother’s lifelong dream. They made the trip with my brother’s wife and my Dad’s girlfriend and the four of them seemed to have a great time touring famous places such as Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, the Eiffel Tour, the Louvre and the Palace of Versailles along with the famous battlefields and beaches across France.

They arrived on a Thursday evening in time for dinner and they were thankful to get out of the car after hours driving on the Autobahn, to sit down to a meal in a house, do a load of laundry and just relax. The next day they had decided that a trip into the Black Forest area would be enjoyable so we set about soon after breakfast to pack up drinks and snacks and cameras and jackets for a drive into the Schwartzwald for a day of sightseeing.

As we were backing the cars out of the driveway a man walked up and introduced himself as an employee of the Deutsches Rotes Kreuz (German Red Cross). He was here to assess our couch that we wanted to donate. So we let him in and five minutes later he was on his way out again after handing us another person’s name and phone number for scheduling the donation pick up. Thus, we jumped back into our cars and started backing out again when a huge tanker truck pulled up and blocked our way. We got out of our cars again and spoke with the driver and realized that this was the oil delivery truck here to refill our oil heating tank since we were packing up and moving out in a few days. So, we waved on my Dad and brother and stayed behind while the man turned our heater off and filled the oil tank. When he finished, he told us not to turn the water heater back on for several hours. So, when he left, we once again piled into the van and off we headed down the autobahn to meet my family in Triberg in the Black Forest.

Triberg is a small but highly touristy town that is known for Germany’s highest waterfalls and the world’s largest cuckoo clock. We had a wonderful day in there, walking around, lunching at an outdoor café, sightseeing and cuckoo clock shopping. After lunch, when my family decided to take a trip through the local Schwartzwald Museum, that we had already seen, we headed to the outdoor playground by the entrance to the waterfall. The girls and I swung and climbed and rested in the shade while Cory headed up the hill to hike around with our son. They headed up a trail and then happened upon an outdoor climbing park complete with zip lines in the trees around Triberg. Since it was our son’s 14th birthday that day, they paid their money and geared up and spent an hour or so climbing and sailing through the trees.

When we finally drove back home to our town, we fed the kids leftovers, got them ready for bed and put a movie on the T.V. Then the adults headed out to dinner to the nearby town of Weil der Stadt. We drove into the city and parked near the old city wall. We walked around the marktplatz until we found a crowed Gästehaus. This is a small, usually family-owned and run restaurant with good food and a warm atmosphere. There we partook of a tasty traditional German dinner before finally heading back home late. My Dad, brother and company were heading out early to catch a nearly 6AM flight back to the states. So, they made sure to pack up and gather their luggage and belongings for that early departure. My sister-in-law and my Dad’s girlfriend, Diane, even took showers that night just to be more prepared to leave come morning but they failed to mention to us that the water temperature wasn’t hot. In fact, it was closer to lukewarm by the end of their quick showers. Everyone went to bed and Cory and I didn’t get up until long after they all departed. We were greeted by a small, perplexing, scrawled note on the counter, near the coffee pot that said simply, “Thanks for everything.” And, “Heater might be off.”

Well, as soon as we read it over, we suddenly looked at each other in an “ah ha,” kind of moment and my husband said, “The water heater! It never got turned back on after the oil tank was filled.” Well, sure enough, we went to the basement and everything was in the “off” position. So, later my brother informed us that his shower was less than lukewarm and then my poor Dad was the last to shower that morning and he had to endure an icy cold shower in my house before leaving! We felt awful. In the business of the day and evening we had just completely forgotten to turn back on the water heater for our company. I'm so sorry about that Dad!!!